Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
