Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
