That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
