If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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