It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
