Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
