y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
