oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
