that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
