ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
