You smell like stripper and shame
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
