Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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