Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
