I wish I could punch you in the face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
