Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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