I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
