You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
