i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
