I got chris browned last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
