The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
