and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
