If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
