I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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