ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
