youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You've changed since you got that strap on
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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