Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
