So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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