I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
