I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
