So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
