Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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