Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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