He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
