his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So squirting runs in the family.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
