I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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