Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
