Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
