I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
