I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
