I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
