I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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