Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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