they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
