she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
