accomplished twins. life is a go
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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