Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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