i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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