Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
