she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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