im drinking this country out of the recession.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
